Take a clean sheet of paper before you read any further. Draw a line down the middle. On the left, write "feminine"; on the right, write "masculine." This isn't about gender, and it certainly isn't about sexual orientation — it's about energy, and the union of these two energies is what allows a person to reach their full potential.
This idea isn't new. We've honoured both the masculine and the feminine in India for centuries. The work I do here simply borrows the language of anima and animus to make something visible that most of us carry without ever examining it.
The rule of this exercise
As you read through the traits, write down only the ones that are already present and visible in you right now — not the ones you wish you had, and not the ones you think are buried somewhere and haven't surfaced yet. If a quality shows up in how you actually behave, it counts. If it doesn't, leave it out. There's no right answer. It is completely fine if all of them describe you, and equally fine if almost none do.
The feminine traits
On the feminine side, look at qualities like empathy, compassion, emotional expressiveness, and the ability to build and nurture relationships. If all of these sit comfortably in you, you can simply write "nurturing and caring" as a whole. If only one or two ring true, write only those. Honesty matters more than a long list.
The masculine traits
On the masculine side, you'll find headings like confidence, decisiveness, the ability to set boundaries, and standing your ground. Be open with yourself here. And notice that some of these words are subjective. Take confidence: does it mean you can speak in front of a hundred people, or does it mean you can walk up to a stranger and ask to borrow a phone when yours stops working? At its base, confidence is simply being non-hesitant. Define it for yourself before you decide whether you have it.
What your map usually reveals
In most people I've worked with, the picture leans clearly to one side. You'll likely find yourself sitting more in the feminine or more in the masculine, rather than balanced down the middle. When I run this exercise in a room, the majority say they fall on the feminine side — and occasionally one person says they sit in both. That second answer is the goal. Ideally, we want to feel at home in both columns.
Why the imbalance matters
If you land heavily on the feminine side, that's genuinely a strength. It means you feel emotions deeply and you can sense what others are going through. But there's a cost to living only there. When you feel a great deal and express it freely, you also become easy to read — and easy to manipulate. People who want something from you can use your openness against you.
The answer is not to stop feeling. We never armour ourselves out of empathy. The answer is to develop the masculine side as a counterweight — and the most important piece of that is the ability to set boundaries. Raising a boundary is masculine energy in action. It's the part of you that can say "this far and no further" without guilt.
Think back to the small moments where someone told you that you couldn't do something, and you quietly felt, "I wanted to, but I wasn't allowed to." Those moments are usually where the masculine side has stayed underdeveloped. This is exactly why we need to understand and respect both energies — not to become someone else, but to stop leaving half of ourselves unused.