Watch PM Modi greet Vladimir Putin and you notice something specific: he clings to Putin's hand, holds it warmly, smiles throughout. Putin, in almost every other clip, hates being touched or held — a handshake and that's it. With Modi he allows the leverage. Two powerful countries holding hands like that is a message to the world: look, we are both strong because we have each other. Then the China leader arrives, and Modi drops Putin's hand and turns to shake hands with him. Ideally you would release a hand gently, make eye contact, then move on. Here it looked like walking with your partner and leaving them mid-step for someone new. That's a coaching point — knowing how to let one person go before greeting the next.
I find it fascinating that body language can be coached at all, because it can. Before 2014, Modi used a great deal of pointing gestures while campaigning. That softened over the years into more open, palm-up movements. Someone advised the change, and he worked on it. That is the whole promise of this work: nonverbal communication is a skill, and any skill can be learned.
The handshake tells you who you're meeting
I always tell people to shake hands — it saves you time. A limp handshake, where someone barely offers the hand, usually means they're shy and reserved, or simply never learnt how. Give that person room to open up; introverts are not non-talkers, they just need a window. A bone-crushing, very firm grip means one of three things: the person is physically or sexually attracted to you, they love power and authority, or they recently joined a gym. Take a moment to figure out which, rather than assuming.
The cues we brush under the carpet
When you meet someone new, watch where they sit on the confidence spectrum. We obsess over under-confidence and ignore over-confidence, yet both are warning signs. A dominating person — usually a man, in my observation — takes up a lot of space, spreads out, and gives top-down instructions: "get him a coffee." That ordering tone is a dominating gesture. None of these is a red flag on its own, but treat each as a star mark. Three or four star marks together, and you can quietly decide not to go ahead.
The most useful cue is the self-soothing gesture. When people touch themselves non-sexually — rubbing the hands, fidgeting — while saying "yes, I'm ready," the words and the body are contradicting each other. That is nervousness, not confidence. Slow down a genuine answer and you'll often catch a flash of disgust or hesitation: a microexpression. Most people can't read these untrained, but within an hour of practice most can decode 70 to 75 per cent of them.
Your voice is doing more than you think
When we talk about likes, dislikes and feelings, a huge share of the message is carried nonverbally — facial expression and body language first, then the voice. Years ago, before training senior IAS officers, I practised speaking only in my lower pitch for three days. Spoken low, I was read as more authoritative and expert. Tone is a range you can train, exactly like a muscle. So before an interview or a networking event, rehearse your voice too — its rhythm, energy and volume — not just your outfit.
One micro-habit to start today
Stand at the mirror, smile genuinely, stretch your arms and tell yourself: "You are a superstar. I am a superstar." The first two hours after waking and the last two before sleep are when the brain is most receptive, and it doesn't distinguish between imagination and reality. Feed it good beliefs in that window, and slowly your body language changes on its own — so you no longer have to fake confidence before a room. Honesty with yourself is where the real growth begins.